Billy would be 11 today. So many unanswered questions and broken dreams? What would Billy be like? Would he love sports or school or music? What kind of big brother would he be? Would he be a mama's boy or daddy's little dude?

I wish I could remember 11 years and 1 day ago when stillborn was not a word in my vocabulary. Back when pregnancy ended with a healthy baby.

I wonder how many people have been touched by Billy's short life. I also wonder how many would have been touched if he lived a full life. I wonder why God allows this to happen. I wonder how a loving God allows this to happen twice to a family that seeks to follow Him.

I thank God I have come through depression, heartache, and tragedy making it through another day. I thank God for my wife because we suffer together which is much better than suffering alone. I thank God for community that support us. There are many days I am fine and others that I question everything. There are days that I am fine and break down in tears for seemingly no reason. There are days that I just want to stay in bed and not face the world, but I still believe there is a God of love and redemption so even if I feel let down I want to redeem these broken dreams for His glory (even though I hate it has to be this way).